Right now I am sitting at the computer in our new home. I am looking out of the "picture" window at the Rexburg Temple. It is 6 am. The sun is up. A mist is rising from the river. The birds are singing. Who knew that we would come through the wilderness to this beautiful place? I can never thank Heavenly Father and the Savior enough.
This is the story of how Lyle, Lynette and I entered the wilderness--literally. At about 12 years of age Lynette began to withdraw. From that time on going to school became a struggle for her. By the time she was 16, and became involved in boy issues, it was serious. She was in danger of flunking out of school. I sensed that the food she was eating was contributing somehow to all of this. That was a mother's intuition that was always in the back of my mind. However, her heartbreak over a guy was the biggest contributing factor at this time.
I told Lynette that like the Jaredites who went down in the depths of the sea, she was going under. If she would cry unto the Lord, at some point He would bring her up again. In the meantime, what could she do to have light in the barge? She needed to find ways to solve her problems. She said she didn't think she was smart enough to figure out solutions. I told her she could do that. I was right. She was smart enough to find a solution. The solution she found was Anasazi.
At the end of one extremely difficult day, she looked at me and said, "I need to go away." I sensed that she was totally serious. I said, "Okay. Where to? Anasazi?" She said, "Yes. What's that? I told her it was a wilderness survival course. From that point she felt that was what she needed to do. As we looked into it, she seemed to be holding her breath for fear that we wouldn't be able to let her go or would find some good reason not to go through with it.
For Lyle and I it was a very difficult decision. Young walkers are on the trail for eight weeks. They sleep on the ground under the stars. They have no matches. They learn to "bust a coal" to build fires. They get water from streams and cow tanks. It is really roughing it. One of our hesitations was that she would be with a group of girls that had been in trouble with the law, drug users, etc. She would learn a lot. Would this be harmful? Another problem was that she had been diagnosed with a skin condition that was usually worsened by sunlight. The dermatologist was horrified that we would allow her to go. It was also expensive.
The good things about this plan far outweighed the drawbacks. It gave her a chance to get away which she so wanted to do. It would give her seven high school credits which would replace her bad grades and the class she had just withdrawn from. It would take her out of the traditional school setting and put her in a sunny place in January. The Anasazi program includes counseling on the trail. It is gospel oriented. It would give her time away from all the stresses to think, process, and get to know herself.
As parents, we made the decision to send Lynette to Anasazi because it felt right. Lynette and her well being was worth any expense. She was promised in a blessing that her skin would be all right. (It was.)
I can never describe the depths of my feelings when we left our daughter in Arizona and came back to Idaho without her. We were so far away from our child--unable to help or even to know what was going on. We had to trust Heavenly Father. Although it was the first of many times with Lynette, we had experienced this feeling before when our boys went on missions. Heavenly Father always came through. Fervent prayers were answered. Frequent temple attendance helped me keep peace in my heart. I took comfort in Elder Holland's assurance that angels attend in answer to a mother's prayer.
Lyle and I talked recently about things we learned from the Anasazi experience. When we took Lynette down, we attended a parent's seminar. I took a book's worth of notes. As a matter of fact, there is a book called "Bonds That Make Us Free" by Terry Warner. Another book based on the philosophy that we were introduced to is "The Peacegiver."
A small example from my own life that illustrates some of the principles we were taught there
took place long before Anasazi. I taught the nine year olds in Primary. Sometimes their behavior was a little trying. One Sunday in class I could feel myself getting angry. Somehow the Spirit gave me the quick realization that I had control over how I felt towards them. I was prompted to replace the feelings of anger with feelings of love towards them in the moment that they were misbehaving. It was a lot more effective. Not only did I feel love towards them, but esteem for the great spirits I knew they were. At Anasazi we learned that we could either be responsive or resistant to others--it was up to us.
Lyle and I began to learn that when things need to change--start with yourself. We took Lynette to Anasazi so they could fix her--not realizing that it was us we needed to work on. We kept on learning that over the next ten years.
We began to learn unconditional acceptance of people, including ourselves. (I am what I am.)
We began to learn "Come what may and love it." (It is what it is.) Sometimes there is no way around trials. The way to get to the end of a trial is to go through it. We began to learn that we can't make it through the wilderness experience of life without help. The thread of song, the reprise, that weaves its way through, is "Be Still my Soul."
We share the commonalities of this experience with all parents. As parents we help all we can.
Sometimes there isn't much besides praying that we can do for our children. We are required to sit back and watch children learn. So many times if I could have had my way I would have eliminated the hard experiences that my children went through. If I had been able to do so they never would have learned.
Our Anasazi experience is a metaphor of Heavenly Father's plan for us. He sends us to earth, seemingly far away from him, to learn from experiences that he permits us to have. This opportunity has been bought at infinite cost by our Savior. Without his atonement this couldn't have happened. Stake President, Robert Marcum, says that each one of us will be given every experience we need to bring ourselves back to the Savior. "Oh it is Wonderful..."
